I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize