Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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