you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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