so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Let's get the cat blown out
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
