How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
