I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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