I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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