It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The best revenge is premature balding
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
