We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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