Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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