Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
