You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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