I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
