Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize