i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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