i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
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Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
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I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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