Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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