so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
