If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
