I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
