Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
