So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
