oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
