im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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