I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Drake has all the answers
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
