Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
what day is it and did you see me today?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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