Porn is love you can see.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
