When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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