I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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