the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
