Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
