you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
