found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
