OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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