i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
