Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
