Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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