She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
