is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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