dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
