Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
