so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
