I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
