The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
