I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
