Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
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so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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