Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
