If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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