wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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