We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
