so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
