i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
