It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
