She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
