Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
