I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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