He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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