If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We're too hungover to prance.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Shame is for Republicans.
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