I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What drink are we having for lunch?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
