My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
