He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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