Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Vodka?
Forever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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