i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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