Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I sprained my soul last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
