There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
did you just send me my own nude
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
