I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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