allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
