just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize