my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
